Expectancy

During my monthly "tune up" with my wonderful B.E.S.T. Practitioner, the feeling of "expectancy" came up. It got me thinking.

First, I consulted the dictionary. We may feel expectancy when looking forward to any positive event, such as the birth of a child. It encompasses a feeling of hope and anticipation. There is also a feeling of certainty or probability. I remember how it felt waiting for that first snow fall of the season as a child with a sled, the night before leaving for summer camp, or for my Grandmother's plane to arrive at the airport. Yes, I remember the feeling of "expectancy."

Armed with this new-found understanding, I asked myself, "What do I expect and how do I feel about that?" Because it's how we actually feel about our thoughts that really matters. If we want perfect health, happiness, and success, we have to think about what we are thinking and how it feels to think those thoughts. Confused? Let me give you an example...

If I wake up in the morning, expecting to have a wonderful day, I will feel positive and my muscles will be relaxed, and I will likely have a wonderful day. If I wake up expecting to have an awful day, my muscles will be tight because of these gloomy thoughts, and guess what? That's right, I will likely have an awful day. By the end it, I may even have a migraine and will likely feel emotionally and physically exhausted. Which would you choose?

If we are constantly expecting the worst, we are living in fear. And because "what you think about, you bring about," you will likely experience the outcome you are "expecting." Are you living in "worse case scenario" mode or "best case scenario" mode?

Let's make a choice to plan out our day the night before. Lying in bed before falling asleep, let's run through the perfect day we are going to have tomorrow. Let's be aware of how it feels. Let's envision it. Let's "expect" it.

We really can change our lives~ one thought at a time!

It's Difficult Until It's Not

Lately there has been a resounding theme in the lives around me, as well as in my own. It's "resistance." When we "resist," we exert force in opposition to something else. It can be positive, such as when we resist the temptation to eat a pound of chocolate. But it can also be negative, such as when we refuse to accept a situation in our lives for what it is. We live in fear and denial, hoping it will change if we exert enough force against it. But what we are often resisting is another's vision of what they want to create in their lives.

Let me give you a personal example. Today is my son's biological father's birthday. In the 20 years my son has been alive on this planet, he has only ever had contact with his paternal Grandfather, and even that was many years ago. And yet I have this vision of acceptance and understanding between our families~ wishing and hoping that somehow there will be forgiveness, that his father will regret the spaces between and move to close the chasm. Clearly I am living in la la land.

When we resist something for a long time, we are not accepting the reality. We are not moving on. We are stagnant. We are stuck in our own muck. Remember the Serenity prayer about accepting those things which you cannot change? When we resist rather than accept, we are not honoring what is. We are not trusting the path. And we are exerting an enormous amount of energy into something that we cannot affect. I cannot make others conform to my vision. I cannot make a man see that he is missing out by not having a relationship with his wonderful son. What I can do is create the best relationships possible with those who choose to be in our family. I can take all of that energy I've been using to resist, and use it to create, love, nurture, and enjoy those who are right in front of me. And I can forgive: him, the situation, myself, the resistance, the negative emotions~ everything.

Once I was at a seminar where we gathered up rocks to represent different things in our lives we wanted to let go of. Each of us was led, blindfolded, by a partner, up a rocky hilltop in the desert. As we walked we would take a moment to drop a rock, saying what it was we were leaving there, and what we were replacing it with. For example, we could drop a rock and say, "I leave behind anger, and replace it with love." As I neared the top of the hill, I realized I was still holding one rock. I knew I had to let it go. I wanted to let it go. I stood there with my palm open, and all I had to do was tilt my hand and let it go. I had carried it for so long. Who would I be without it? Finally, after what seemed like a hundred hours, I allowed it to drop to the ground. I cried.

Afterward, I marveled at how difficult it had been to let that rock drop; how I had deluded myself into even recognizing that I was still carrying it! (remember Bilbo when he keeps the ring in his pocket and he's supposed to leave it for Frodo and Gandalf calls him out on it?) How many rocks are we carrying around every day of our lives, completely unaware?

Everything leading up to that moment of letting go is hard. But then you let go. You stop resisting and you start living. You stop waiting for other people to live up to your expectations, and accept them for who they are, warts and all, even if it means that they are never going to be a part of your life again or at least never the person you wanted them to be. That knot in your stomach dissipates. The sun comes out from behind the clouds. Basically, the lens you were using to look at your life is brought into focus. And you realize that it's only difficult until it's not.

This Old House

This weekend I had the pleasure of visiting my great-grandparents old home. Built around 1909, this craftsman-style house had suffered through two other owners before landing in the lap of the wonderful couple who is lovingly restoring it.

They found me on a genealogy site, and were interested to know more about the family who had lived in the house; my family. Now, even my own relatives' eyes glaze over when I start talking about my family history. Just because you are related is no guarantee that they will shout for joy over your newly found 1850 census record for your shared great-great grandmother. Imagine my excitement to find someone who wants to know every bit of minutia surrounding these particular relatives!

As I toured the house, I could feel the energy of my relatives, which included several great aunts and uncles whom I'd known when I was a child, two of whom had lived long enough to meet my own kids. Seven children had lived there, four of them born there. One small boy had drowned on the property. Their young mother had died there. Mostly, I could feel the love they had shared. And so I was even more pleased to find that the new owners had turned half of "the back 40" into a community garden for the neighbors whose homes backed onto it.

Perhaps because my own childhood homes have long been sold, and as an Army wife, I have no permanent home, this old family home takes on special meaning for me. I am truly grateful that this wonderful couple has allowed me such a precious gift!

AZ Immigrant Trash

http://www.snopes.com/photos/politics/restarea.asp

I thought you might be interested in seeing actual photos of what illegal immigrants leave behind when they near their destination. You can see more pictures and read a short article at the above site. While Steve and I were camping in Organ Pipe National Monument in 2000, immigration officers were patrolling the area while we tried to sleep. We only stayed one night.

Stuff

I have been helping an elderly terminally-ill lady clean out her house for a yard sale and move to a smaller place. She has lived in this house, with various pets and family members, for 30 years. Now, I move on average every two years, so it was hard to imagine what I was getting myself into.

But experiences like this one really get you thinking and doing. For example, I came home after the first day and steam cleaned all the carpets and furniture in my house. After the second day I went through my house and filled paper grocery bags with items for Goodwill. Today, day 3, I started sorting through personal papers in my garage and loaded up the car with donations. After I finish writing here, I will go clean out under the beds. I am a little obsessed.

It might be morbid, but I am left thinking: Who will go through all my stuff when I die? What will they find?! And what can I do now to make it easier on them? Because somehow I believe that cleaning through all this crap now is one way I can show my family that I love them when I am no longer here to tell them. I know families who have spent YEARS sorting through their parents' stuff. It is ALWAYS a huge undertaking, unless your loved one happened to be a hobo and lived out of a paper sack!

I also have this theory about cleaning house and weight loss.
And so I continue to de-clutter.

Beliefs Part II

Now that you are all questioning and rewriting your beliefs, changing your lives, and living the life of your dreams, here's some food for thought about illness, disease, and the uncomfortable symptoms that often accompany them. Chew slowly!

In our traditional medical system, symptoms have been grouped together and given fancy names:
Auto-Immune Disorder, non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, and even Maple Syrup Urine Disease.
We then run around claiming ownership of such maladies, using phrases like "my allergies," "my urinary tract infection" and even, "my cancer." Words are powerful. And when we claim ownership of groups of symptoms like this, we perpetuate them. We tell our subconscious minds that we own them. They are a part of us. How can we expect to heal ourselves when we are essentially telling ourselves not to? (We can instead refer to them as "the symptoms I am experiencing" which gives you room for healing and keeps you detached from disease and illness.)

Let's remember that the body is self healing. When you cut yourself with a kitchen knife, it's not the band-aid that heals the cut. It's your body. When you heal from breast cancer, it's not the surgeon or the drugs that healed you. They may have provided a catalyst, but ultimately, you healed you. Understand that you don't have insomnia because of a lack of Lunesta. The body is awake because it's trying to survive something. The body is always trying to survive. Everything it does is to this end. Sometimes the symptoms it creates in surviving aren't pleasant. For example, I've had a headache for three days now. But I trust it. I know that my body is healing something. It's working for my survival. Rather than mask the symptoms with drugs, I am asking myself, "What am I doing to make this headache necessary?" and "What can I do to make it no longer necessary for my body to create this?"

This is a very different way of looking at health than the medical model. Essentially we are looking at the causes of illness, and not the symptoms. We are finding a way to get out of our own way, so that our bodies can heal. And we are trusting our bodies. Do you understand that even cancer is your body's attempt at healing something? In fact, if your body hadn't been able to create cancer, you would've already been dead. The cancer kept you alive long enough to figure it all out, get out of the way, and let the healing take place. I know this sounds radical. Instead of being fear-based and centered on "healing" from an outside person or drugs, it's self-empowering, fostering trust in your body. It leads to not only physical healing, but emotional healing as well.

Here's an exercise you can do to foster health and healing in your life. The next time you experience a symptom~ a headache or nausea, or even something more serious like an asthma attack or the growth of a tumor~ close your eyes, take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and say "thank you" to your body. Over and over, say "thank you." Once you are in a state of calm, ask yourself, "What do I need so that this symptom will no longer be necessary for my body to create?" Sit with that question silently, until an answer comes to you. All of the answers are in you. Maybe you need more time to yourself. Maybe you need a different job. Maybe you need to say "no" more often. Maybe you need to forgive others. Maybe you need to be a priority in your own life.

What we believe about illness and healing affects our health every day. Choose empowerment. Choose self-healing. Choose trust. And thank your body!

Beliefs

Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines belief as "a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing." We form beliefs from our experiences and feelings about those experiences. We process causes, effects, and relevant information for our own survival.

As individuals, we form beliefs based on our personal experience with other children, family members, animals, and even activities like playing. As members of a bigger community and society, we form beliefs based on what is socially accepted, what is beautiful, what is right or wrong, or even that the earth is flat or round. And that's all good. But life changes. Circumstances change. As we grow older, the beliefs that kept us safe as a child may no longer serve us. For example, we learn early on that it's dangerous to cross the street without holding a grownup's hand. At some point, we decide that this belief no longer serves us: that we are now wise enough to cross carefully on our own.

People feel very strongly about their beliefs. The Catholic Church persecuted those who sided with the "round Earth" belief. If you try to tell anyone that their beliefs are wrong, whether they relate to religion, health, or politics, you are likely to get an earful. No one likes having their beliefs challenged. But that is exactly what we must do in order to truly grow, heal, and live a full life.

Everything you do is because of a tightly-held belief. You diet because you believe you are fat. You divorce because you believe your spouse doesn't love you. You don't help a stranger because you believe they could be dangerous. But what if your beliefs are wrong? On the extreme side, consider an anorexic girl who is wasting away but looks in the mirror and sees a fat person. This is an extreme belief, granted, but it demonstrates perfectly how our beliefs are not always grounded in reality. Maybe the anorexic was once fat. But she isn't anymore. Yet she can't let go of the belief. A boy who grew up in a fearful home situation believes that love involves pain. You can imagine what a challenge his relationships will be when he is older if he can't discard this belief and replace it with a believe that is more supportive of healthy relationships.

I share these examples in hopes that it will make it easier for you to identify your beliefs and then change or discard the ones that no longer serve you. Pick an area of your life that you find a struggle. Maybe it's relationships, finances, your career, your health, or any number of areas. Write down your beliefs about that area of your life. Write down how you feel about that area specifically as it applies to you, and in general. For example if I'm writing about food, I might write: "I feel out of control. I love food. I hate food. I am obsessed by food. It seems the whole country is obsessed with food." Then ask yourself, "When was the first time I felt this way? Who taught me to love food? to hate food? What are my early memories and experiences around food?" Keep writing until you have at least one "Aha!" moment. For example, I realized that there was a correlation between how deprived I feel during a diet, and the fact that I was often sent to bed without supper as a child. Now that I am aware of that, I can create new beliefs about food~ that food is nourishment (not punishment) and that food does not provide lasting comfort. I can look elsewhere in my life for the love I desire, and not bury my face in a plate of nachos. By examining my beliefs about food, and creating new ones, I feel liberated. Now when I write about my beliefs about food, I would write things like "Food fuels my body. I can enjoy food in a normal healthy way. Eating healthy food is just one way I love and take care of myself."

If we desire change for the better, we first must understand what beliefs brought us to where we are now. You are who you are today because of what you believed yesterday. If you want tomorrow to be different, you must examine, discard, and change your beliefs.

Wishing you love & peace~